From the Mailbag . . . LDR Tips

April 8, 2011 at 8:14 PM 6 comments

I recently received this question about LDR’s (long distance relationships) via e-mail:

Hello! I  have a question. I am dealing with someone seriously. Of course she is long distance LOL!! However it’s been about 3 or 4 months now. I’m getting tired of the LD thing. I want her close! My question: What are you guys doing to maintain your relationship considering it is LD also?

My response:

Hey Reader,

Thanks so much for your question.

I have to admit that besides the distance, the corresponding major bummer about LD relationships is the fact that they are EXPENSIVE. When SM and I started dating we committed to trying to see each other at least once a month. However, with our work schedules it averaged to about once every 3 – 4 weeks.

I know that may be financially beyond the reach of most people but we still had to maintain the relationship in-between trips. So, we IM’d practically every day when I was at work, did the web cam thing at least once/twice a week in the evenings (as time/schedules/school permitted), texted each other frequently, and also did our best to talk on the phone at least once a day – even if it was only for 5 – 10 minutes. We figured out our own rhythm – it was easier for him to call me on his way to work in the AM; it was easier for me to call him when I went to lunch or was driving to class.

I’d say the main thing that keeps things together is COMMITMENT, FLEXIBILITY, and TRUST. We are committed to our relationship and making things work, so we are both willing to make any necessary sacrifices. That’s where flexibility comes in – sometimes his case load is extra heavy or he has hard deadlines, so I know I have to be content with a text message or quick IM versus a full-fledged phone call. He has to do the same; when my school schedule is poppin’ and I have a major assignment due, he contents himself with IM’s when I take a break, or texting (and maybe a quick convo when I make a Starbucks run). Trust comes into play when we simply believe each other when we say we’re doing whatever it is we’re doing – and we know each other’s schedules so well we don’t even concern ourselves with the thought that any hanky panky is going on.

Another thing we do (it may seem corny, but it’s really fun and we enjoy it) is take pictures on our cell phones of different things and send them to each other. It can range from anything like the rain falling outside, to a pizza slice, or a meal one of us has cooked that day. We also send each other e-mail links to articles we think the other may be interested in. Another thing we did was each get a subscription to Hallmark and American Greetings online so that we could send each other e-cards.

I personally think that LD relationships can be stronger than in-town relationships simply because you have to work harder at them – so you don’t take each other for granted. I also think it makes you more creative, and you think of ways of sharing your life with the other person simply because they are not right there.

Hope this helps!

Join in the fray:

Long distance relationships – a go or a no?

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6 Comments Add your own

  • 1. marie  |  April 8, 2011 at 9:02 PM

    this helps so much…LDR’s are so hard…not necessarily in the talking but in the distance…uh. you never realize how long a mile is until you get a LDR… it’s funny this sounds like my situation…again so nice to know you’re not in it alone…

    Reply
  • 2. A Swirl Girl  |  April 8, 2011 at 9:40 PM

    Marie, thanks! LDR’s are doable but take a great deal of commitment. When we first started dating we did Google searches to see what info we could find. You may want to check out http://www.lovingfromadistance.com. They also have a Facebook page.

    Reply
    • 3. marie  |  April 8, 2011 at 10:07 PM

      thanks i’m going to look into it…yeah i have had to do some research too…but people experiences help so much… 🙂

      Reply
  • 4. "M"  |  April 8, 2011 at 9:57 PM

    Whew weeee… LDRs are tough BUT I have found that they have a unique way of “forcing” you to learn how to a communicator …. I’m in my own LDR and I have discovered where I thought I was a good communicator, I am not so much and so, it has been a series of lessons learning how to convey things … BUT I definitely think it has given us a wonderful foundation and allowed us to build a great friendship that isn’t “colored” by all the other things that sometimes get in the way …. no doubt it is a challenge but certainly a wonderful journey ….

    Reply
    • 5. Shamcey Shane  |  April 15, 2012 at 11:14 AM

      I agree. If you stick around, you will turn into this amazing communicator and this can only help your relationship in the long run.

      It’s a whole new experience. You learn how to be sweeter with words. You learn how to express your feelings in words. It’s one of the good things about being in an LDR.

      Reply
  • 6. A Swirl Girl  |  April 8, 2011 at 10:29 PM

    I’m glad things are going well for you. Recently SM and I laughed when we compared how we communicated when we first started dating versus how we communicate now. We definitely had to work out some kinks – wait! that’s another blog post . . . . LOL

    Reply

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